he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
