need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
