drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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