Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
