The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
