My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I yelled at your uterus for you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
