i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
there is glitter all over my balls
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