He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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