I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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