I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
