Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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