so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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