if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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