I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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