i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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