Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
and you fell through a lawn chair
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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