I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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