dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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