Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
