is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize