Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
