Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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