somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I looked at my own cervix.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
