Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
