ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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