remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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