can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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