At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
