He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
