I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
