wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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