It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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