nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
