Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
