You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
