Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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