i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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