my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this just has baby written all over it
It's just like the Real World with babies
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
