But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
