"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
