exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
