i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
