I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
