she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want nice things and good sex
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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