What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
