we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
