Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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