Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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