I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
