Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
