Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
