Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I could make wine with my vomit
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
