i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
