I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
third nipple confirmed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
