Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
