I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
