Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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