member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
two words...techno handjob
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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