I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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