haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
