I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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