jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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