i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
