Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
