i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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