If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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