I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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