i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
