The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
