Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
