Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Damn victory sex feels great
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
