I hate all girls vehemently.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
