Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
