By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
