Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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