I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
